Beneath the Surface: Why You Fear Being Alone (And 5 Facts About People Who Love It)


alone sunset pic

Losing weight can be about any number of things.

Perhaps you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Perhaps you are at-risk for a disease and know you need to get healthy to avoid it. Or perhaps you just want to look better.

Sometimes, it comes from deeper issues, things like insecurity, low self-esteem or a fear of loneliness.

The thing is, for you to be successful at losing weight (and keeping it off), the key is to take an all-around approach to healthy living. That means changing your body, yes — it also means addressing the deeper issues that led to your weight gain in the first place.

In a series of blog posts titled “Beneath the Surface,” we’re going to take a deeper dive into the emotional and mental issues that cause us to choose to gain weight.

In this post, we’re taking a look at one of the biggest issues that can fuel unhealthy behavior: fear of loneliness.

What causes a fear of being alone?

There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone means you’re just not with other people. For many people, like introverts, this is a place of refuge, a place to recharge their batteries and find peace.

For others, people who have experienced trauma, grief, abandonment or loss, being alone is a place that creates fear, discomfort, anxiety or depression.

To figure out why you don’t like being alone, start by considering the root causes. Ask yourself what it is, specifically, that causes your dislike of being alone.

When you figure that out, and face those facts, you can start taking steps to address them. Once you address them, you can then move forward with learning how to embrace alone-time as a positive.

Sometimes, the best way to learn to love something is to look to others who have already figured it out — and follow their lead.

Here are 5 facts about people who love being alone:

1) They know they’re good enough all by themselves.

You have value. Again…you have value. You contribute to this world every day in many, many ways. You are important. You matter. And here’s the thing, you don’t need anyone else to validate that. Recognizing your own self-worth and appreciating it is the first step towards enjoying alone-time.

2) They appreciate quiet. Or at least try to.

Silence and being alone with your thoughts doesn’t have to be a negative. Next time you’re alone, turn off the TV, your devices and anything else that’s a noise-maker and listen to the world around you. Afraid of your thoughts? Facing them is the first step to overcoming that fear.

3) They observe and listen more than talk and seek attention.

A good starting place is to go to the park, a shopping mall or a grocery store. Sit and watch people as they go about their business. Look at the ordinary day-to-day situations you’re already familiar with in new ways. Seeing how people act when they think no one is watching will help you connect with them (and yourself) in a deeper way.

4) They use their time to be productive.

Having other people around can be great, but it can also be distracting. Being alone gives you time to get things done. Make a checklist of the things you’ve been putting off. When you find yourself alone, grab that list and start checking things off. At the end, you’ll have a feeling of accomplishment that makes for one heck of good day.

5) They plan solo adventures (and love them).

Traveling to a faraway place by yourself may seem terrifying. In fact, it’s amazing. You get to take in the scenery, the culture, the experience all on your own, from your own perspective. Thinking about it in that way will enrich it further. Try it. You will be pleasantly surprised.

Ultimately, being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Being alone can (and should) be a positive time for self-reflection and enjoying life on your own terms. It’s not something to fear. It’s something to embrace.

What are some reasons you like being alone? Share in the comments below!


Author: Caitlin H
Diet-to-Go Community Manager

Caitlin is the Diet-to-Go community manager and an avid runner. She is passionate about engaging with others online and maintaining a healthy, active lifestyle. She believes moderation is key, and people will have the most weight loss success if they engage in common-sense healthy eating and fitness.


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